5 useful questions that will help you decide whether you should seek professional advice regarding your child's behaviour.
As a psychologist I get asked a lot: 'How do you know when a child needs your help? How could I, as a parent, know when to seek professional advice?' Although there isn't a straightforward answer to the latter, there are certain questions that help me, and might help you, make the right decision regarding your child's needs.
Dear parents,
It is no news that spending so much time at home is taking a toll on all of us. You have certainly felt it, the uncertainty of it all, feeling overwhelmed or even frustrated more often than not, and the struggles that come when you are trying to juggle two roles at the same time. pfff....It has not been easy! But you know what? your children are no exception. In fact, they are the ones that have had to adapt to a whole new reality when they were still trying to navigate their previous one. This has led to many children experiencing higher levels of confusion, demotivation, frustration, and, in some cases, even depression- and anxiety-related symptoms.
Indeed, with the increased amount of time you and your children now share, you might have started noticing certain symptoms, conducts or behavioural patterns in your children, that were not so evident before, but now are starting to concern you.
If this sounds anything like you, rest assured, because I have compiled a list of 5 questions that will help you identify whether your child is simply 'acting up' or he is indeed struggling and might benefit from professional help.
1. Is my child's behaviour appropriate for a child of his age?
Since children and teenagers exhibit a wide range of behaviours, it can be difficult to separate normal 'acting up' from a more serious problem. To do this you have to first identify and clearly describe the concerning behaviour. Avoid vague descriptions like 'being difficult', 'intense', 'spoiled', etc. and rather opt for more specific accounts like 'struggles to maintain eye contact when I talk to him', 'appears to be unable to sit still for more than a minute'. Once the concerning conduct is clear, it is often useful to share your observations with a professional who has regular contact with a lot of children i.e. your child's teacher, a child psychologist, or paediatrician, to get a better perspective on whether you child's behaviour falls into or outside of the typical range for his age group.
2. How often does this behaviour occur?
If your child seems frustrated or irritable, how often is this occurring? Once a week, or most of the days? If he is having tantrums, how often do these occur? for how long? how intense are they? It is relatively common that children exhibit problematic behaviours such as impulsiveness, fears, defiance, anger, ... from time to time. However, to identify whether these behaviours are indeed problematic, having an idea of their duration and intensity will be key.
3. How long has it been since I first noticed it?
It is also key to identify how long has this behaviour being present. Transitory behaviours will often arise at different stages of your child's development, and will diminish or even disappear with the passage of time. However, as a rule of thumb, if your child is exhibiting a problematic conduct that remains persistent almost everyday for 3, 4 or even 6+ months, it will most likely not be transitory. In this case, you should really consider seeking professional advice.
4. Is it context-dependent or -independent?
In other words, is your child's behaviour only evident at home? or does he also exhibit such behaviour at school, at a friend's house, in public places, etc.? If in doubt, ask the people that conform your child's inner social circle. Getting insights from your husband/wife, his teacher, his nanny, ... will help you identify whether his problematic behaviour occurs in more than one setting. Being this the case, seeking professional advice is definitely encouraged.
5. How much is this behaviour interfering with his life?
This is, by far, the most important question of all.
Is your child's behaviour interfering in his ability to do age-appropriate activities? is it limiting his academic performance or his ability to get along with his friends and peers? is it disrupting the family and causing tension at home? If your child is unable to do the things he wants to do, or take pleasure of various activities, or is struggling to get along with teachers, family members and/or friends, he may need help.
I hope these questions guide you into deciding when a 'worry' should prompt an action. Keep in mind that, when in doubt, it is always better to ask for advice than to remain quiet. Indeed, I developed the 1:1 section on this platform to serve that exact purpose. Feel free to send me a message and I will do my best to guide you and your family in the right direction.
Best,
Ninibeth Leal Perez
& The Team Home Schooling S.O.S